


when the meaning is gone (there is clarity)

by bellamyblakru



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur needs time to process but he is a good seed dont worry, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Court Sorcerer Merlin (Merlin), How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lancelot and Gwaine protect Merlin until their last breath, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur, POV Merlin (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Sad Merlin, also oops i curse like once i think, at the end it can be assumed that merlin will be consort, but it ends with a happier merlin i promise, but they are there, i also wrote the angst after watching that destiel thing so blame that, i tried to beta but i probably missed a few im sorry ah, its gonna be late when i post this and im already fucking exhausted, mostly pov merlin but a little, so yayy, sorry the other knights get pushed into the back bc i love lance and gwaine too much, tired Merlin, well more like Court Warlock come on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:13:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblakru/pseuds/bellamyblakru
Summary: a tired but bamf merlin protects arthur and the knights!!sigh, again, i suck at summaries, but basically this has bamf merlin, ofc, and a bad morgana but she will technically be good again at the end and arthur loves merlin.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 417
Collections: Merthur Fics, Numerous OTPS Infinite Fandoms





	when the meaning is gone (there is clarity)

**Author's Note:**

> this is for two people!!
> 
> @merlinemrys !!! thank you, you lovely human, for helping me decide what to write!! you inspired me to write this, so i hope you like it!🥺
> 
> and @alexmaanes !! as always, you helped me so much while i was writing this. you are literally a queen and i appreciate you with all my heart. thank you for letting me bombard you with questions and ideas and for your input—it means everything to me thank you😭💞

Merlin kneeled slowly, all sounds drowning out to focus on the one to which his world revolves around: his king. 

His entire world, his whole existence, was this man in front of him. 

Arthur, his eyes fixed on Merlin’s, spoke into the quiet, crowded throne room, his voice full of strength, “Merlin, son of Hunith and Balinor,” Arthur paused here to smile at him, “do you swear to protect Camelot and her people for as long as you live? To protect what you and I have built together, for as long as we exist?”

Merlin, steeling himself, refusing to voice the nerves racking through him, spoke loud and clear, “I swear. I will protect Camelot, her people, and her King for as long as I draw breath.”

Merlin bowed his head, his breath hitching when Arthur placed the silver coronet, shaped like intertwining dragons, on his head.

The weight felt heavy on his brow. 

Arthur, clearly delighted, spoke once more, “Rise, Merlin, as Camelot’s Court Warlock. From now until our end.”

Merlin stood, his legs threatening to buckle underneath him, and looked at Arthur. For the first time, Merlin was truly speechless. 

Arthur laughed, such a free sound that Merlin’s heart tightened, and pulled Merlin into a fierce hug with him on the dais. 

Merlin chuckled into Arthur’s neck, “I don’t think this is protocol, Sire.”

Arthur smiled against him, “Says who? You’re part of my court, officially now, so we create the rules.”

Merlin leaned back, his eyes watering, “A court to change the world?”

Arthur’s answering grin made Merlin’s heart flutter, and his king turned him around to face the people. 

The noise returned to Merlin’s ears then, the chanting of his name over and over hitting him at full volume—the sound almost hurting his ears. He couldn’t contain his beam when he saw the Knights of the Roundtable in the front row, chanting the loudest, especially Lancelot and Gwaine, who both had proud tears glimmering in their eyes. 

Gwen, holding Lancelot’s hand tightly, looked so happy that Merlin’s eyes watered once more. 

He looked at each member of his family in their eyes, put his hand on his heart, and bowed deeply to them.

The roaring doubled until Arthur signaled for silence—everyone stopped at once. 

Merlin faced Arthur again, his king already smiling at him. Arthur slung his arm over Merlin’s shoulders, “We shall feast tonight, and tomorrow brings our Beltane Festivities. Let us celebrate our Court Warlock alongside the fun!”

Cheers rang out, and Merlin had never felt more appreciated. He closed his eyes for a moment at the noise of the room, focusing on Arthur’s arm on his shoulders to ground him, and opened them back up—glowing pure gold. 

Gasps escaped everyone as two dragons, one red and gold, the other black and silver, flew around. Brighter than any candle, burning like a flame around and around each other. Their playing turned into a steady dance, each movement a question and an answer to one another. 

Arthur’s arm tightened around Merlin, his eyes glowing blue in the wake of the burning dragons. Merlin looked at those shining eyes, his own shining in return. 

“Arthur,” the dragons did not falter, “Arthur, thank you.”

Arthur turned his intense gaze onto Merlin, who tried not to fidget, and said—truth lacing each word, “Merlin. You don’t need to thank me. This is our future, our destiny,” he laughed at Merlin’s cringe at the word, “I wouldn’t want this any other way. You were always meant to rule at my side, and you always have, but now…” Here, he smiled at the dragons, “Now, we can show the world just how important you are to me.”

~~~four months ago~~~

Merlin was starting to give up..on hope, on destiny, on being free. 

Morgana was still out there, lurking in the shadows, Mordred at her side. After she failed with the Dorocha outburst, as Merlin simply magically closed the damn doors, she disappeared. He learned of Mordred’s assistance through Kilgharrah—though, having that talk with the dragon left Merlin’s head pounding for days. 

Arthur was now king, and a wonderful one at that. He ruled fairly, made commoners knights, allowed his people to speak and give opinions, and, the one thing Merlin watched like a hawk, he has not pursued the hunting and killing of magic wielders.

Arthur, unlike his father, did not seek out to actively end magic, but simply did not do anything about it. A rumor here or there about someone doing magic would just get swept away, or Arthur would roll his eyes and tell them to at least have evidence before talking to him about it...And that was that.

Merlin knew he should be grateful for the change, but, if he was being honest, he didn’t really feel much anymore. After years of putting himself on the line, he just felt...almost...numb. 

What was the point? He was just tired, he would tell himself, that was it. When his mind grew increasingly upset, he would push it down, throw a smile on, and wish for night to come to get some rest. 

He just wanted to stop being so _tired._

Today he was standing behind Arthur during a meeting of the Roundtable, who were discussing the merits of some trading route with Essetir that Merlin could care less about. 

Merlin was debating whether he could pull off sleeping standing up when the room trembled slightly, perking him up a little. 

Gwaine noticed as well, “Princess, something feels off.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him, “What..”

Arthur didn’t get to finish his sentence, because at that moment, Morgana and Mordred bursted into the throne room. 

Arthur went to stand up, but frowned when he found he couldn’t move. Looking around, Merlin found all the knights with similar expressions. 

Lancelot threw his eyes at Merlin, fear coating them, and he shook his head at Merlin. 

Merlin couldn’t tell if Lance was telling him he couldn’t move either, or that Merlin shouldn’t move, or that Merlin shouldn’t show his magic against them. 

So, Merlin ignored him and decided to test out his legs. He wasn’t bound to the floor. Merlin didn’t know if Morgana wasn’t worried about him doing anything or if Merlin’s magic just repelled hers. He stayed put anyways, not wanting to draw attention just in case. 

Morgana laughed, her beautiful hair matted slightly and her black gown dragging against the polished floor, and looped her arm through Mordred’s. 

“Well, Brother,” her emerald eyes glowed with wicked delight, “this was much easier than I thought it would be.”

Mordred chuckled at her side. Merlin frowned slightly at the sight, _why did Mordred turn?_

At that thought, Mordred’s eyes found him, almost like he heard Merlin. 

Mordred smirked, _Emrys, a pleasure to meet you again. Morgana seemed like the better destiny to follow, instead of waiting for you to continue doing nothing._

Merlin rolled his eyes, not wanting to open the mind link on his side, and ignored the drop in his stomach. The Druids were losing faith in him? He felt like throwing up. He knew he was useless, but now that they are losing faith too, what did he have left keeping him here?

For his answer, he looked at Arthur, who was seething in his chair. Arthur had been ignoring him lately too, but Merlin didn’t think it was his own fault. _But what if it was?_ His mind added unhelpfully. And if Arthur, his Arthur, didn’t want him around, then what was he doing anymore? 

Merlin recoiled at the thoughts that were now swarming his mind. He was so, _so_ tired. Maybe this would be his last stand, protecting his king. 

Merlin threw himself out of his own mind, trying to focus on the two figures slowly walking closer. 

Morgana smiled, a cruel, dark version of her once lovely smile, and stopped at the other end of the roundtable. 

“I’m not sure I agree with this,” she mused, running her free hand on the edge of the table, “I prefer the long one.”

Arthur scoffed, “That’s because you think yourself better than others, that’s why I rid myself of the other.”

Morgana’s smile didn’t even falter, “I suppose.”

Mordred grinned at her, loyalty oozing off of him in waves. 

It made Merlin nauseous. 

She grinned right back, “Okay, Brother, you have two options,” she swept her look over everyone seated, “either I kill you all now, or,” she clicked her tongue at Gwaine’s sneer, “they live, you surrender, and I just kill you.”

The sweetness in her voice grated Merlin’s ears.

“What happened to you, Morgana?” The hurt and pain of her was drowning in Arthur’s eyes, so much so that even Merlin’s iced insides cracked a little at the sight. 

No one hurts his king and lives—no matter what Merlin felt, that was always constant. And, if he was honest with himself, it would have always ended up like this. At least this will end the exhausting facade. 

_At least I’ll go out with a bang,_ Merlin mused darkly. 

Morgana’s cool demeanor broke a little, “I grew up.”

The knights were growling at them, trying to break the binding. 

Lancelot, however, simply stared sadly at Merlin. Almost like he knew what Merlin planned—probably by seeing Merlin’s face resolve in resignation. 

Merlin didn’t dare look at him for too long, the only one who knew him for what he was and didn’t back away, never flinched. 

Arthur made a small choking sound then, with Morgana’s golden eyes on him, and Merlin thought no more. 

Arthur’s choking stopped a second after it started, and he gasped for air. 

Morgana took a step back, her eyes widening, “Mordred, why did you stop me?”

But Mordred wasn’t looking at her. He was staring at Merlin, panic in his eyes, “Morgana, I didn’t do anything.”

She whipped her head towards him, “Then who did?”

Merlin laughed—the kind of laugh that men were terrified of, who knew that sound meant the end. 

He leaned against a pillar, “Hello, Morgana. It’s been awhile.”

She narrowed her eyes again, “Merlin, why are you not bound? You’re just a peasant, a servant. I admit, you have been troublesome, but you are nothing to me or my magic.” 

Merlin gave her a fake smile, “Oh?” He pushed himself off and went to Arthur.

Arthur stared at him, disbelief clouding his features. The betrayal simmering in his king’s eyes almost made him flinch.

But Merlin simply took a moment to truly look at Arthur. He loved him, that was a given. He didn’t want to love Arthur, and he didn’t think destiny had that in mind, but it was inevitable—of course he fell for the wonderful man in front of him. 

Merlin didn’t say anything to stop the growing disappointment and hate in Arthur’s face, but touched Arthur’s throat slightly and whispered, “Þurhhæle licsar min.”

He felt more than saw Arthur’s gasp as his throat quickly healed. 

Not wanting Arthur to see his eyes golden for too long, he turned away from his king. And with a thought, six lightly golden shields wrapped around the knights—the shield only perceivable if you are the one covered. 

Lancelot frowned, and breathed, “Merlin, no.” 

Merlin steeled himself, “Lancelot,” he looked at his friend and gave a small smile, “thank you.”

Lancelot struggled against the bindings for the first time, “No, no, no. Not alone, Merlin, no.”

Merlin ignored him and turned towards his once friend.

Mordred had his hand on Morgana’s shoulder, holding her back, whispering in her ear. 

Merlin knew what he told her when Morgana went limp for a second, staring at Merlin anew. Terror gripping her every movement.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head, “Merlin. You wouldn’t have.”

Merlin almost winced again at her tone that was covered in despair, in betrayal. 

“If it means anything, Morgana, I am sorry.”

Morgana flinched at his apology, “No. You don’t get to say sorry, not anymore. It was always you, then? At every turn, when every plan went wrong, it was you?”

Merlin nodded once, and looked at Mordred, “I’m sorry for not being who you thought me to be. The gods picked incorrectly, I guess.”

Mordred’s eyes softened a bit at that, which Merlin wasn’t expecting—he didn’t let his surprise show, though.

Merlin cleared his voice and stepped away from the table, directing their ire elsewhere, “If you leave now, I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Mordred actually nodded at that and whispered in Morgana’s ear once more, but she violently shook her head. 

“No! I’m not leaving until he’s dead—both of them.”

Mordred shook his head and whispered so no one can hear, “Morgana, you won’t win this fight...not yet.”

She shook off his grip, her eyes glinting dangerously, “Go then Mordred, check on our army.”

Mordred was about to refuse but Morgana narrowed her eyes in anger and pain, “Now.”

He sighed and bowed slightly, looking wearily at her, and walked out. 

Merlin watched with faint disinterest, “What? Why does your lapdog want you to leave, huh, Morgana?”

Morgana turned her stare on him, “Oh, well, apparently he believes the mighty Emrys is the man in front of me, but I think I disagree.”

Merlin blinked, “Oh?”

Merlin heard Percy and Gwaine suck in a breath, realizing that it was true. Merlin tried not to look—turns out they knew more about magic than he thought. 

Morgana shook her head, “You may have magic, that I could believe, but you aren’t Emrys. I would know.” She scoffed and came around, “So, how long have you practiced magic? Did you want a way to beat me, to protect my brother?”

He knew Arthur was listening intently, so he answered gently and honestly, “I was born this way, just like you.”

No more lying.

Morgana stopped advancing, “Oh! Isn’t that something.” She purred, “Been lying all this time, have you? How do you think my dear brother will feel about that?”

He knew what she was doing, but he answered her anyway with a tone of sarcasm, “I’m sure he’s taking it extremely well.”

He heard Gwaine cough to cover his small laugh and Merlin couldn’t help but give a small smirk, _at least he doesn’t hate me._

Morgana’s grin wiped off, “So, what? Didn’t want to save me all those times? I wasn’t worth your time when Arthur was the more important one?”

Merlin’s heart fell, but he kept his chin up, “I tried to help you. I sent you to that Druid camp, didn’t I? I couldn’t come out and tell you, Morgana. I had too much to lose then.”

Her face didn’t soften, “Ah, as in Arthur.”

Merlin shrugged, “Yes, as in Arthur. I don’t understand why you keep repeating that. Of course it was for Arthur, everything I am and everything I ever do is for him. You must know that for certain now.”

She let out a cruel laugh, “Yes, I understand clearly. I wasn’t enough to be saved, because if I put you at risk, then you couldn’t be at Arthur’s side. That’s fine, at least you’re honest about it now, huh? A little too late, don’t you think?”

Merlin’s nonchalance wavered a bit, “Maybe not, Morgana. You don’t think you can be saved?”

She frowned, “Saved? Why on earth would I want to be saved? Do you know how hard it’s been for me, living under Uther’s laws for my entire life? Thinking I was alone in this world, with no one at my side. I was terrified, Merlin, utterly fucking terrified! And you did _nothing_.”

Merlin’s breathing hitched, the words hitting something deep inside him that he tries to bury every morning, “Morgana, I-I know what it's like, I understand. I could do magic before I could talk, and I grew up knowing I could die if anyone found out! That was the first rule I learned, you know, the first real memory I have. My mother made me swear to keep the magic a secret, because if I slipped for even a moment, we would die, or worse under Cendred. I k-know that doesn’t make what happened to you right, or diminish anything you’ve been through. B-but I promise it’ll get better one day. Arthur is different! His rule will be different, better! He will be the best King the world has ever seen!”

He quickly rubbed his face, surprised to find tears there. 

Morgana started slightly crying, too, “No! Stop.” She shook her head vehemently, and raised her voice, “You can’t _promise_ that it’ll get better one day! You can’t know that, you _don’t_ know anything! Who are you to promise such nice words to me?”

Merlin’s face was wet again as he stumbled one step towards her, “I’m no one, but I do know. Morgana, we have a chance to change the world! We can show Arthur and everyone that magic isn’t inherently evil! You know it isn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t help you enough. It was always my deepest regret, my most painful memory. You deserved so much more, Morgana, you still do!”

She was still crying, “No, Merlin, I can’t take that risk. Our people have been hurt too much for too long! How could you stand there and tell me that one day we will be free? You should have done something about it long ago.”

Merlin shook his head, “I couldn’t, Morgana, that wasn’t how it was meant to be. I needed Arthur to come to the conclusion himself! Don’t you see that? If I showed him how beautiful magic could be, then what if he thought I was the exception, not the rule? Everyone he loves has turned on him in the most devastating ways, and I couldn’t do it to him, not like everyone else.”

She gave a weak, cruel laugh again, “But is it okay to hurt him now?”

Merlin flinched slightly and straightened, “Now...now I’m tired, Morgana. I’m tired of it all.”

Morgana’s eyes widened and she breathed, “Then come with me! We could change the world, you and I.”

Merlin was shaking his head no from the start, and as he was gaining momentum, spoke clearly: “I could never leave Arthur, Morgana. I’m tired of lying, of pretending, of living in a world where magic gets spit on like a disease. I am magic, you see, and I’m so _tired_ of it all.”

Morgana’s face paled, “What do you mean?”

He knew what she was talking about, “Oh, yeah, Mordred’s right and all. Emrys,” here he did a little bow, “at your service.”

“No,” Morgana took a step back, “The Cailleach said you were my destiny...my doom.”

Merlin shrugged again, he felt more emotionally drained than he has in months, “I suppose I am.”

Morgana stopped and lifted her chin, “Fine, if you won’t join me because of my brother, then let me make the decision easier for you.”

She chanted under her breath and threw a burst of magic directly at Arthur. Her magic went close to the shield and fizzled out into nothing. She tried again, and again, and again.

“What did you do!?” She panted slightly, and looked at Merlin with dread in her eyes.

He looked at her sadly, “Morgana. I just told you Arthur is everything. He is the Once and Future King, and I’ll pick him. Every time.”

She scoffed, frustrated tears pouring out, “Fine! Ablinn ðu; forlæte ðu nu!”

Merlin threw up a shield for himself easily. She threw everything she had at him and the shield did not budge, did not crack one bit.

She panted even more, shaking her head, “That’s impossible.”

Merlin gave her a sad smile, “That’s me.”

He walked towards her now, dropping the shield, and batted away her attempts of magic like he would a fly annoying him. She scowled when he was five feet from her.

“What’s the plan, then, Merlin? Hmm? You think Arthur is just going to forgive and forget? I highly doubt years of lying can be resolved so quickly, even if you are the mighty Emrys.”

He frowned, “I don’t really know what’s going to happen, Morgana, but I’m glad it’s over.”

She started trembling, “Over? What are you going to do now? Kill me?”

“Now,” he lightly grabbed both sides of her face, “I try to fix what I broke.”

Morgana screamed.

Merlin went deep into himself, into his pool of magic bubbling under the surface. He reached and reached, and didn’t stop until he hit the ground, asking the Earth to provide him what he needed. The Earth sang back to him, as it always did, and answered.

Merlin started glowing faintly, his body radiating power for everyone to see. The knights had to close their eyes at the sight, light forcing itself out of Merlin into Morgana.

Morgana screamed again and gasped, and when Merlin opened his eyes, he saw tears flowing down her face, “Mer-Merlin, wh-at,” but she passed out before she could finish.

Merlin lowered her to the ground, sweeping her hair out of her face, his own eyes blurring from his tears. He felt so empty now.

Arthur was up the instant she was down, but Gwaine and Lancelot beat him to Merlin. Lancelot put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder, who was still kneeling over Morgana, shaking. Merlin gasped in surprise and looked at his friend, and then saw Gwaine right behind him.

“I..I didn’t kill her, I couldn’t,” Merlin shook his head and looked at her body, “her magic..it’s..it’s gone, now. I gave it back to the Earth, but she’s weak, and she’ll be in pain for a while. This was the only way without killing her...right?”

Lancelot grabbed Merlin’s shoulders and lifted him up, “Merlin, Merlin, look at me.”

Merlin did so slowly, and Lancelot’s own eyes threatened to blur at what he saw. Hopelessness drowned Merlin’s features, “Merlin, you did the right thing.”

Merlin faintly nodded, not entirely there, but gasped, “Arthur! Is Arthur alright?” He stumbled out of Lance’s grasp, but Gwaine blocked him.

“What are you doing, Gwaine? Let me see if he’s okay,” Gwaine shook his head, and drew his sword, beckoning Lancelot forwards, too.

Lance didn’t hesitate and joined Gwaine, both of them standing in front of the shivering Merlin. 

“ _Move,”_ Arthur growled, stalking forwards.

“Sorry, Princess. You may be King, but I serve Merlin, first and foremost. Always will.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at his knights, “You both chose treason, then?”

Lancelot coughed a bit, “Sire, Merlin is a good. You can’t decide now, please. He is the best man I have ever known, let’s talk about it before you do anything rash.”

Arthur stopped. He never heard Lancelot talk back to him before, and it honestly gave him pause.

“ _Please,_ Arthur. You can’t..” Lance started but stopped when Merlin put one hand on his shoulder and Gwaine’s.

“Guys, it’s fine. I can do this, trust me. No need for treason,” Merlin said gently, and added this when they both looked at him in doubt, “if anything happens to me, just promise...promise to look out for him, hm? And Gaius.”

At that, they both nodded at their friend, and Merlin took the time to slightly move them to the side.

Merlin finally looked at his King. Arthur’s face was broken, the tracks where his tears fell were a stark contrast to his lovely features. It broke Merlin’s heart more.

“Arthur..”

Merlin stopped raising his hand to check Arthur for injury when he flinched at Merlin’s anticipated touch. Merlin trembled more now and knelt down in front of him.

“Art-Sire, I’m so sorry..”

But Arthur scoffed, and raised his blade that was shaking violently, betraying how he felt, “Merlin, I need time to think, you understand me? I can’t do this right now, I just need...time. I need you to go. Now.”

Merlin sucked in a breath and let it out shakily, “No.”

Arthur laughed a little hysterically, “No?”

Merlin steeled himself, “No, I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever.”

Arthur’s breath hitched now, “Then I’ll throw you in the dungeons, is that what you want?”

Merlin bowed his head more, not trusting his voice, he whispered back, “If that’s what you need, Sire, then consider me there. But I’m not leaving Camelot. You’ll have to kill me before that happens.”

Arthur gasped, and threw his blade to the side, “No! No. Go to the dungeons, Merlin, give me time.”

Merlin didn’t trust his legs now either, but he didn’t need to worry since Gwaine and Lancelot helped him up and let him lean on them.

But before they turned around, Merlin managed to look at Arthur once more, “Ask Gaius. He knows everything.”

Arthur looked at him, tears streaming down his face, and he gave him a curt nod. They turned around without a sound and walked all the way to the dungeons.

~~~~~

Arthur didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t work the day after. The army fled once they knew Morgana was defeated, who was currently in the dungeons as well. With...with his Merlin. He trusted Leon was taking care of things...but, he realized he didn’t quite care at the moment.

Everything they threw at each other during their exchange was bouncing around endlessly in his mind. Merlin was magic. He saved them. 

_Everything I am and everything I ever do is for him._ _He will be the best King the world has ever seen!_ _I just told you Arthur is everything. He is the Once and Future King, and I’ll pick him. Every time._

Merlin’s words were threatening to bring him to his knees again. How did he deserve such loyalty from the man who claims to be magic itself?

He couldn’t understand it. 

So he did the only thing he could...he stopped laying in bed, got dressed, and ran to Gaius. 

~~~~

Merlin stared at the dungeon’s ceiling. It’s been two days since the incident, and Merlin hasn’t moved an inch. Morgana was transported to Gaius’s chamber after she started shivering violently yesterday, still sleeping from what happened.

He was glad she wasn’t here anymore. He didn’t touch the food or water given to him, he didn’t move when his friends dropped by, or even when Gwen came sobbing to him saying Lancelot explained everything.

He was exhausted. He felt bad for not responding, but it took so much energy to simply breathe. So he slept and slept, wishing it would just be over.

~~~

Arthur listened to Gaius for three days. He didn’t want to continue when Morgana arrived during the first day, but Gaius ordered him to stay. So, Arthur hesitantly obeyed. He could tell Morgana woke up at some point, but she didn’t make a move to be noticed. 

She moved in her cot, towards Gaius’s voice, and furrowed her brows, listening to Merlin’s stories as fervently as he was.

And they listened for a total of four days. Arthur simply got up when Gaius ended, who had his eyebrows raised in question, but Arthur ignored him and walked right out the door. 

~~~

Day four and Merlin still didn’t touch his food. He didn’t do anything.

~~~

Arthur practically ran to the dungeons. He came to an abrupt stop when he found his roundtable knights in front of the opening to the dungeons, with Gwen curled into Lancelot’s side.

They all looked at him as Arthur cleared his throat, “Why are you all here?”

Gwaine took it upon himself to answer, “Merlin hasn’t eaten in four days, so we’ve all been trying to make him eat. It hasn’t worked.”

Arthur’s mind stopped short, “He hasn’t eaten in four days?”

Lancelot shook his head, “No matter what we say, he just stares at the ceiling or he is sleeping. We don’t know what to do.”

Arthur blinked violently and jumped over the legs of his most trusted knights quickly. He walked directly to Merlin’s cell, unlocked it, and closed it behind him.

~~~

Merlin sat up when Arthur arrived, wincing at the pain lacing his stomach.

Arthur saw it and rushed over but didn’t touch him, “Merlin?”

Merlin’s pained eyes slowly looked up at his king in question.

Arthur sat down in front of him, his face covered in tear tracks once more.

Merlin didn’t like the look on his king’s face and rasped out, “Are you hurt?”

Arthur flinched at his disused voice but shook his head no. He watched as Arthur got up once more, retrieved his food and water, and placed in front of him.

Arthur took up his spot again and pointed at the water, “Drink.”

Merlin quirked an eyebrow but drank. The water felt cool against the burning of his throat.

Arthur then demanded, “Eat.”

After Merlin drained his second glass, that Arthur quickly refilled again, he said quietly, “Arthur?”

He looked at the food but didn’t touch it yet. Arthur sighed but looked at him, no fear in his face, when he said, “Merlin. I’m here, I’m with you. Now, eat, before you get even scrawnier.”

Merlin breathed out a laugh, “Yes, sire,” and went to grab the piece of bread, but Arthur’s hand grabbed his.

Merlin started, quickly looking up at his King, and Arthur looked him in the eyes, “We’re going to be alright, Merlin, I promise, we’re going to be alright.”

Merlin closed his eyes, tears unwillingly coming out, and choked out, “We’re going to be alright.”

~~~~four months later~~~~

Merlin was tired from the festivities, but he hasn’t felt so alive in months. Arthur was here next to him, and he didn’t hate him. It took a couple months to get things in order, and to tell Arthur personally what happened over the years, but here they were: with Merlin being seated on Arthur’s right hand side.

Arthur was beaming at his knights, his eyes shining in amusement. Merlin took this time to simply watch. Arthur’s face was alight with happiness, albeit a tad tired from the day’s events as well. 

Merlin had never seen anything more beautiful.

Arthur, as if sensing Merlin’s stare, looked at him quizzically, a small smile adorning his face. Merlin shook his head and smiled at him. Arthur smiled back and leaned closer to Merlin to whisper, “You want to get out of here, too, right?”

Merlin laughed slightly and whispered back, “I am exhausted.”

Arthur nodded back, his face faking seriousness, “That means the party must end.”

Merlin chuckled again and watched as Arthur stood up and announced that he will be going back to his chambers—meaning that anyone was free to leave as well.

Merlin followed, close on Arthur’s heels, on the way out.

“You didn’t have to go, Arthur! You looked like you were having fun!”

Arthur smiled and stopped to allow Merlin to catch up, “Well, if you’re tired then I’m tired. It was a long day, after all.”

Merlin nodded, and added sadly, “I wish Morgana was here.”

Arthur gave Merlin a sad smile, “Me too, but she’s still recovering and understood why she couldn’t come, you know that.”

Merlin agreed and they walked back to Arthur’s chambers, a peaceful quiet settling over them.

Arthur opened his door and closed it after Merlin, who immediately started the fire and started taking out Arthur’s night clothes.

“This shouldn’t also be your job anymore, Merlin. It’s beneath you now to do such things,” and as he said this, he lifted his arms so Merlin could undress him for the night.

Merlin rolled his eyes, “Like I could trust anyone else with handling your cranky arse.”

Arthur let out an over dramatic gasp, placing his hand on his heart, “You think I’m cranky?”

Merlin laughed again while Arthur’s night clothes flew towards Merlin’s open hand, but Arthur grabbed his hands before the clothes reached them.

Merlin tilted his head at him, “Arthur?”

Arthur stared at him, and asked in almost a plea, “Stay with me.”

Merlin frowned in confusion, “Always. Arthur, you know that.”

Arthur shook his head, “No, I mean tonight. Stay with me tonight.”

Merlin’s eyes widened, “Y-you want me to stay with you?”

Arthur’s face turned a deep red and he quickly dropped Merlin’s hands and gaze, “Of course, if you don’t want to then I’m..”

Merlin recovered enough to stop Arthur’s rambling with a quick kiss that left them both breathless.

“Always, Arthur,” Merlin breathed on Arthur’s mouth.

Arthur smiled at him. Merlin never felt more at home.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!
> 
> i hope you enjoy this and that it was okay!! lmk if you want me to write something!!
> 
> my tumblr is @bellamyblakru as well if you just wanna say hello or drop a prompt for me to do💞
> 
> (title from hozier’s song moment’s silence)


End file.
